I'm back in the saddle. And by saddle I mean hospital.

A few days ago was Carter's monthly check-up and chemo visit.  I hadn't been to the hospital in 5 MONTHS!  Last time I could say that was nearly 3 years ago.  But now that my awesome husband is back to full-time school, my break is over.  I was nervous to go back there but Carter showed me where to go and what to do :)  I can safely say that I did not miss that place one single bit.  BUT I did miss being there with Carter while he goes through all that.  He's just an amazing kid.  He's had to grow up quickly and he has embraced his maturity.  I've missed our day of one-on-one time that we get each month.  It was great to spend the day with him and feel my heart swell with pride when the nurses comment on how great he is.  "Tres bien!" they say.  Ah, I just love him.
And we reached a sort of milestone this time around!  This *should* be (if all goes according to plan...) his last lumbar puncture with chemo in his spinal fluid at this hospital!  He still has two more chemo appointments here but just through his IV.  And he'll still have 2 more lumbar punctures before he's done with treatment in April but we like to celebrate any milestone that we can come up with.  He really likes the way they do it here though because he likes the laughing gas they give him.  He literally did a double fist pump and yelled "Yay!" when they wheeled in the canister for it.  Haha, silly boy.

 
We've been doing homeschool..  He would rather be at "real school" but he's doing well with me as his teacher.

He's lost 5 teeth now!  He looks so much older with his new big teeth.  There will always be a part of me that misses my kids being little as they grow bigger and bigger but mostly I am just so thrilled that they are doing just that.  Facing the reality of possibly losing a child has changed me in a lot of ways.  Life is so precious, truly a gift from God.

Here's an old video of Carter riding his IV pole like a scooter in the hospital.  It gets a little boring in there.

Summer update

We've been doing very well over here across the ocean!  I haven't updated for a while because I've been very uninvolved in the hospital/doctor scene.  And I love it.  Dennison has been on a break from school and so he's been taking him each month.  Carter has had two unscheduled visits to the hospital so far this year.  The first was when he fell off a little ledge at the park and banged his port.  There was a pretty big bruise right under it and he was in a lot of pain.  We took him in to make sure it was still correctly positioned and working properly.  All was well other then some soreness.  The second time was when Carter woke up with a fever.  He was on antibiotics for a week and his blood cultures were clean.  Other than that, it's been business as usual.  Still taking oral meds daily and visiting the hospital for IV chemo monthly.  I don't really even know what his blood counts have been for the past four months.  I assume they're fine and normal otherwise they'd change his medicine dosage.  Let me just tell ya, it's been a nice break from thinking constantly about it!  All the thinking and worrying hasn't changed anything in the past and it's quite liberating to let go a little bit.  I'm trying to just enjoy this time in France with my family and soak up all the goodness.  Dennison will take him two more times (they want to do a blood count check half-way through this month to see if they can increase his doses) then it's back to me.  I am so impressed with Carter and how well he handles visiting this hospital where there's very limited English spoken.  What a trooper he is!  I have a harder time with it than he does, that's for sure.

He's been doing great.  We've really been enjoying this summer and all the traveling and relaxing it has brought our way.  I should get a more recent picture of him because he's now lost FOUR teeth and two new ones are growing in!  He looks so different!  His little brother said to me the other day, "We're the luckiest family in the world!"  Amen my dear little one, amen.

Less than a year left!

 

 Packing up his toys to take to the hospital. 

Words cannot even express how happy I was to have these two go to the hospital this month.  I don't think it's any secret that dealing with the hospital here is a BIG challenge for me.  With Dennison having a bit more free time these days he was able to take him.  I was so SO happy.  They had a good time and everything went great.  Except for when Carter tripped on the way back to the car afterwards and scraped the skin off his forehead.  Ouch.

Other than one ridiculous bloody nose that took forever to get under control, everything has been going great.  Carter is feeling really good and is perfecting the art of teasing his little sister.  Life is good.

two hospital visits

 We went in for Carter's monthly chemo and check-up a few weeks ago.  Everything went great, but slow.  He's doing fantastic and is feeling great!

 

View from his hospital room.

 

 There's lots of pink in the hospital. 

 

This was when they were preparing to do his lumbar puncture.  They give him something similar to laughing gas which helps with pain and anxiety.  He did great of course.

Last week we were playing at the park when Carter somehow fell off a ledge, face-first, and hit his port on the ledge.  He ran over to me crying hysterically and holding his chest.  I was so scared!  I looked at his chest and there was a big bruise already forming right above his port.  I tried calling the hospital but no one spoke english and they eventually hung up on me.  I really don't like this hospital.  I had my french-speaking husband call later that evening once he got home from school.  The nurse asked what time the accident happened and then asked why we didn't call sooner.  Rrrrr.  I know I'm in France and I should learn French and I'm trying, but I really thought there would be more resourced available, especially at a hospital while dealing with very important health issues of my child.  Dennison took him in the next day to have everything checked out and it's all working perfectly still.   I felt so relieved that he is fine and also that I wasn't the one who had to take him in!  Thank you husband!

a replacement

What do these pictures all have in common??

 

 

 Besides Carter being in them all...

 

 

It's nothing cancer related....

 

That's right!  His precious blue blanket!  He has had that blanket since birth and it has always been his most prized possession.  It has been through quite a journey alongside Mr. Carter.  It was his constant sleeping companion.  It's been dragged through many a playdate and roadtrip.  Everywhere Carter went, the blanket was there.  He always HAD to have it with him.  And all those rough hospital days were made a little easier when he had his blue blanket.  As we journeyed to our new home in France, the blue blanket somehow escaped his possession.  I still don't know exactly where we lost it.  It was on the plane with us to Paris but I'm not sure it got off with us.  If it did, I'm not sure it left the airport with us the next day.  Or maybe it's final resting place is the train we took to Nice.  I'm not sure, but it's gone.  Carter is very sad that it's gone but I think I might be more upset about it than he is.  I'm a sentimental fool I guess.  That sweet blanket represents so much to me.  It reminds me of how brave my little boy is.  How strong and smart and thoughtful.  And now it's gone.  We've been searching for a suitable replacement ever since we discovered it's disappearance but nothing has been quite good enough.  One day while we were skyping with my mom Carter told her the sad tale of the lost blanket.  He promptly ordered up a new one from Grandma. 

Yesterday, this came in the mail:

 

He is so happy to have a new favorite blanket.  It hasn't left his sight since he got it.  As sad as I am to not have the blue blanket anymore, I really love that he's moving on to a new favorite blanket.  One reason we loved the idea of moving to France was to have a sort of new start.  Try to move past all the crap our family has been through these past two years and start to make new memories in a new place.  Now Carter has a new blanket to start with.  I like this.  I like the symbolism and I love the blanket.  Thank you mom!!

In Honor of Carter

 

My mom participated in the Rex Lee Run that raises money for cancer research.  She wore this tag with Carter's name on it.  Isn't she awesome?? 

 

It is astounding how brave and mature Carter is.  You've heard it before and you'll hear it again, he is inspiring and amazing.  This whole french school thing is proving to be quite a challenge for him and us.  But no matter how hard it gets, he still wants to keep going.  I've given him the option of homescooling but he wants to go to the real school.  He has such a positive attitude and sees the good in everyone around him.  And he's only 5 years old!  I can't believe how blessed we are to have him in our family.  I feel that way about all three of our kids.  Each is a beautiful little blessing.  I am one lucky mommy.

March appointment

 

 



Well I'm glad that's over.  It was kinda difficult this time.  I brought J and V with me and apparently children other than patients are not exactly welcome there.  They weren't allowed to go in the hospital room with Carter (maybe because they're shared rooms??) so they had to wait in the little toy/waiting room.  The problem was that I can't be two places at once.  We ended up all hanging out in the small and crowded toy room for all 4 1/2 hours.  The missionaries came with me again to help translate but it wasn't much use since they couldn't come with us when we went with the doctor or nurse either.  It was ridiculous.  And it was very obvious how much time we actually spent with a nurse or doctor since they had to come get us each time.  It was maybe 15 minutes total.  That's 4 hours and 15 minutes of just waiting around.  I'm sure it's a great hospital but I don't like it.  The last time they came to get him was for his chemo.  By that time the missionaries were gone as well as the two ladies who had been doing arts and crafts with the kids.  We were alone in the play room so I really couldn't leave my two youngest in there by themselves (I'd left them with the art ladies before).  I didn't know what to do since they wouldn't let us all go together.  I asked Carter if he would be ok to go without me with the nurse for his medicine.  He got a brave look on his face and said, "sure!"  Seriously?!  He is so awesome.  They were gone for about 10 minutes and he looked so proud of himself when he strutted back in, his port de-accessed and everything.  The nurse was very impressed with him.  So we were finally ok to leave but the doctor was out to lunch.  I needed to get some perscription refills and I had some questions for her but no one could understand that I was trying to ask when she would be back from lunch.  I finally just left and luckily she called me that evening and we got it all taken care of. 
Another added frustration to the day was I actually drove our sweet new ride up there instead of taking the bus.  I thought it would be so much easier and convenient.  Ha!  It took me 25 minutes to park at the hospital then we had to walk up a long steep hill.  Then I drove around for 45 minutes looking for a spot close to our apartment before I finally gave up and paid to park in a parking garage.  It was a long day.  I am just so thankful that Carter is so brave and easy-going about it all.  I'm glad I am the only up-tight one that I have to worry about! 
It's kinda easy to ignore that Carter is still going through chemotherapy most of the time.  Mostly because I want to put it out of my mind and just enjoy life.  Then sometimes things happen that bring that fact right to the front burner again.  It happened today.  We were driving to Monacco and then planned to keep going over to Italy.  Just because we can :)  All three kids fell asleep on the way there and we were enjoying the breathtaking views when I hear from the backseat, "I feel like I need to throw up...".  Good thing I'm well practiced with situations just like this.  I grabbed what I think was a plastic bag that a happy meal toy came in just in time.  Gees, it just breaks my heart to think about all he's gone through and is STILL going through.  He's so brave and tough and mature but I hate that he has to be at such a young age.  I hate that he is so familiar with the feeling of knowing he's about to throw up.  I hate that him and his brother often say that they hope other members of our family don't get a blood bug dragon like Carter's.  Ugh.  So our trip was cut short and I was reminded of how much cancer treatment used to rule our lives.  We planned everything around him and his appointments and medicines and side effects.  It's nice to have more freedom now but I don't appreciate the unpleasant reminders that pop up.  So until next time I'm reminded, I'll try to put this painful fact out of my head and enjoy my beautiful family.